We Fly

We Fly.

My joy is rooted in the deep sorrow of losing you.

On the spectrum of happiness is misery.

Opposite experience coincides to make life.

We Fly.

I try my best to soar high for you.

One more giggle.

One more kiss.

Drowning my mind in the moment.

Burying the hurried fury this world paints.

The relentless dream of our expectations

Shrivels my heart space until

Your smile with the sun gleaming behind makes it expand.

In and out, in and out

Our Breath,

Fragile and never ending.

Your love seasons each breathe into a warm transcendence.

We Fly.

I look back at you,

Burning the image of your happiness in my image reel.

An injection of comfort in my veins and warmth in my body that imprints forever.

From now on until the next flight where

We’ll Fly.

My sorrow at the thought of losing you is my bravery for cracking open my whole heart for you.

Nothing to hide.

No where to run.

You saw it all and are now my sun.

Now our love orbits and the Earth spins.

I know now that I’ve found you,

True love never dies.

When this beautiful life dims to an end,

I’ll pass knowing our love will overcome all barriers to coalesce again.

As my body melts into the energy that creates,

And soul reawakens to barriers that are met with all of my might,

My soul will faintly remember these barriers are essential to enjoy the flight.

Soul knows hope.

Love makes us fly.

With Love,

Kaitlyn Marie 💜

Forgive Me Soul

Day in and day out, I’m filled with doubt.

Time ticks by and life is dry.

No one seems to understand my mind battle.

Meet me. Really see me.

I’m distinctly kind, but harsh and wild.

I’m an adult who gets on with the heart of a child.

I cry, I hate, I love and I fake.

My mind is on but I’m not always awake.

I act as I should but not always how I want.

I want to be kind

Slow Down….

Think and Soak It All In….

Soak up the wind, rain, dirt

Oh, and the sun! My favorite of them all.

How I long for these beauties but my soul is withdrawn.

I do as I’m told and avoid being blunt.

I feel like I’m smothered and do not dare to be proud.

Life is a blur and inside me is loud.

I look to she, him or them to make me feel like myself again.

Validation seems to briefly fill the void until I feel I am no good.

I seek the comfort from around.

I cannot bear to be without sound.

Cause when it’s quiet, I hear my pain.

I hear my emptiness and unearth my soul that’s vain.

Life is on mute and the power is out.

My soul is victim to this beating that my mind can’t seem to go without.

Please, soul! I beg! Come out again.

Envelop these bones in a thirst for life.

Just a flicker of love is all I ask. Please!

Life is not stopping and oh –

The sun – it’s shining for us to see…

I promise to work on my love of me.

From my mind, I set you free.

With Love,

Kaitlyn Marie ❤️

Failure

You know what sucks?!?!

The shame of setting a goal but not sticking to the actions required to get you there.

That’s where I’m at today. Sitting in my self-inflicted disappointment. A big old shame story.

I had a boozey, graham cracker filled weekend that dismantled my whole week of health goal chasing.

#firstworldproblems 🙄 – YES.

But hear me out…

I’ve wanted to build the strongest body I’ve ever had in my life, but I’ve always been my own worst enemy by placing conditions on this goal.

I struggled with eating disorders for two years that I’m so thankful I was able to overcome.

I’ve always, always struggled with loving my body from 118 – 165 lbs, it’s been a journey.

I thought love from others would come when I was “skinny”. 😅

Lack of love for myself cut me off from so many experiences.

Having a strong body I admire has always felt like the symbolism for overcoming the struggles with my body and food.

My relationship with food, lack of energy, emotional ups and downs and managing my time has always been the excuse reel I’ve called upon for comfort.

I do believe that staying persistent is key, but I see persistence only goes so far when you’re not giving 100%!

I’m thankful for my trainer today for calling me out and not letting me lean on my excuses.

Shame sucks and the truth hurts but sometimes it’s what we need!

I am committing to the goals I’ve set and to living a life I’m proud of, for me.

No one else.

What dreams ebb and flow out of your life because of that excuse reel?

Seriously – make yourself accountable!

What excuses have you had? Why?

Check those excuses and push yourself!

Find someone that truly holds you accountable in life.

Better yet, aim to be the someone that holds you accountable.

I try and I persist. This is where I’m at and I’m on my way to the best I’ve been.

Self-limiting believes BE GONE!

Who else is on a fitness journey?

Do you believe I will ever be able to say no to graham crackers?! 😆

With Love,

Kaitlyn

Jumping Into My Dreams

What the whaaat?! I’ve joined a mysterious online, affiliate marketing company?!

You know, those people that post about their amazing lives and how their system can help you emulate their existence?

Yes, I did; here’s why:

1. I was never given a sales pitch. 

No one ever spammed me. I never felt uncomfortable and throughout the entire process, and the connections always felt real.

Now that I’ve been in the biz for a bit now, I can confirm that the connections certainly ARE real. Real amazing, motivating and life altering.

2. Data doesn’t lie. 

I’m all about the data and the initial webinar was certainly full of it.

  • In the US alone, online sales hit $35.5 billion in 2017!
  • Worldwide commissions from online sales pays out $200 million every day!
  • Within the next 5 years, affiliate marketing will be worth $6.8 billion!

This industry is expected to grow and if you don’t learn the skills now, you’ll be behind! With the 90% automated system, people are leaving their 9-5 jobs in as little as 3-4 months. Families are traveling the world and Bali seems to be a popular travel destination for our team members.

Maybe I’ll add Bali to my vision board?

3. I learned so much with my free-trial.

After the webinar, I was given a free trial to soak up as much info as I wanted before making the final decision. The platform includes over 20 training modules that walk anyone through how to set up their online marketing business, CLICK by CLICK.

I obsessed over the training and the product with research. I’m always learning,  but I wanted to soak up as much info before my trial ended!

I woke up at 3 am just to read and learn more about what I was about to potentially jump into. With more outside research and analyzing from different angles, I became more excited!

4. After my trial ended, my mentor ship and learning didn’t. 

Whenever you fork over money to an organization or person that sold you, there’s always that fear if they’ll actually follow through after they have the holy greenery.

I communicate with my coach on a day-to-day basis. She truly cares about my success.

She always answers my zillion questions and takes it upon herself to motivate me and provide technical guidance. They have my dollars and they’re still wanting me to succeed.

5. My new business is a tax-write off. 

The investment I make into the product and any other business expenses (ads, domain purchase, etc) are all write-offs. BOOM.

6. My team has the highest rate of members replacing their 9-5 income. 

Because our team is partnered with a high end product, payouts are higher (ranging from $330 – $2400) per sale. I’m connected with many 6-figure earners and see the success within the team. The 90% automated system, caring mentors, and supportive community want success for everyone!

7. No stocking of product or selling to your network. 

This one is HUGE! I have no quota to meet and once I meet a certain rank, I can stay there FOREVER.

8. I am obsessed with the product. 

You never want to get behind something you don’t truly believe in and this is something that I 100% do!

So, there you have it. The mysterious online marketing gig is a real thing and real people are changing their lives doing it.

I’m so excited to be on board and look forward to connecting with more dream chasers!

Are you ready to jump in?

With Love,

Kaitlyn Marie

Little Girl in a Box

For over 12 years, my life was like a game of hide and seek.

Hide as much as possible and seek a way to feel good enough.

After being seen and painfully losing out on being accepted multiple times, I generated some rules and guidelines for my existence as a young girl who only saw herself as overweight and ugly.

1. Avoid all mirrors. You know it only makes you sad when you see yourself.

2. Wear clothes that cover your entire body, despite the bliss of the sun on your skin. They will be disgusted if you show your pale skin and large limbs.

3. Avoid those kids by taking the long way to class. It’s better to be late than to run into them again.

4. Look down and avoid eye contact. Your eyes are crooked and your face is irregular. Don’t risk someone pointing it out again.

5. Never say yes to anything that involves a bathing suit or people you don’t know. You don’t want to be humiliated again.

6. Think twice before asking a question in class. Everyone will look at you. Is it worth it?

7. I know that seems like a nice person and it would be nice to have a friend, but do you want to risk someone pointing out how gross you are?

8. Don’t let them see you eat too much. You don’t need to give them more excuses for the “Piggie” label.

My low self esteem literally put me in a cage locked by fear for years.

How much did I miss out on while my mind was occupied with demanding and defeating thoughts of self-criticism?

This toxic mentality caused me to develop an unhealthy relationship with food, the gym and my body as I grew older. I truly felt that the only means to self worth was being thin which manifested in obsessively long gym sessions, strict food diets and ultimately bulimia.

I was scared, embarrassed, out of control and still obsessive about being thin. 

As a 26 year old woman, I am able to recognize my toxic thought patterns and have developed a much better relationship with my body. However, my heart still hurts for the masses of women who struggle with food, health and body image.

Unfortunately, my story is not unique.

A study conducted by Dove in 2016 revealed that among 10,500 women surveyed, 85% of them reported that they would “opt out of important life activities” if they felt they didn’t look good enough.

How do we change this mentality?

There are tons of ways to develop higher self esteem and even more books dedicated to the topic.

The tactic that most resonated with me was finding comfort in another’s story. I was able to overcome my year long struggle with bulimia by connecting with the story of Monica Seles, a successful tennis player, who shared her story about how she overcame her eating disorder.

By sharing my story and pursuing my career in health and fitness for women, I hope to help others find comfort in who they are so they can live a full life!

My transition to this entirely new career is painfully slow and scary, but my heart keeps me going.

Can you connect with my story? Are you pursuing a similar career?

I’d love to hear from you!

With Love,
Kaitlyn

Heart is Paramount

If time is a constant and quantifiable measurement of existence, why has my experience of it changed significantly throughout my life? After experiencing three different professions, I believe my experience of time is heavily dependent on the level of heart I have invested in my actions. Without heart, time is a nuisance and life is a struggle until the reprieve of the weekend. With heart, time is my friend and every day is fulfilling. I believe that a fulfilling career and life must be driven by the heart.

During my first role at a positively impactful non-profit, tasks were completed with flow and I rarely looked at the clock. I left my job feeling fulfilled and took every opportunity to talk about the organization because I knew I could potentially make an impact for someone by spreading the word. My job was an extension of who I was and I was proud of that. I was living a life of flow and abundance. My love for the result of my actions was strong and my work created a better existence for myself and experience of time.

At my second position at a defense contractor, I dreaded going to work and felt worn down when I left. Time made me anxious at my job and at home. My unhappiness flowed into my relationships and cut off my motivation to partake in hobbies. I did not feel like I had purpose and often cried myself to sleep. I sank into a depression. My heart was cut off from my actions and time lingered.

At my current position directly supporting the Government as a contractor, I do not dread going to work but am not excited about it.  My job helps support our family and offers technical and general education for growth. I am fine at my current position. Time generally moves slowly and although I know my work does some good, I cannot feel it in my heart.

I know now that the difference between living with flow, depression, and being alright in my life has been dependent on how connected my heart is to my work.  With significantly higher pay and improved benefits compared to working for a non-profit, I am still living in mediocrity and feeling a lack of passion and purpose that flows from the heart. To me, passion is the visceral empathy for the much-anticipated result of my actions that I have not felt since I could connect with what I was doing.

When I spend my time doing something from the heart, I dive into the moment instead of clinging to it. With this mindset, clocks contain mere numbers and my days are filled with wholehearted intentions that yield a high performance.

Days filled with wholehearted intentions translate into a life of happiness.

What is my life and career without heart? I think it is an existence that feels mostly like obligations and less like the miracle that I am even alive in the first place.  

I will search for what makes my heart overcome the pressures of time. In the mean time, I am grateful for each day.

With Love,

Kaitlyn

Hike with Cheyenne

Cheyenne and I saw a snake, a runner fall over a stump (he’s okay), a Blue Heron, and the first signs of fall this morning at Calvert Cliffs State Park.

I almost didn’t go because of the never ending to-do list but I’m so glad I did. Starting my day outside energized my spirit so I could get even more done!

I simply want to share some photos of our adventure in hopes of inspiring you to take time to be outside.

Enjoy!

“Of all the paths you take in life, make sure a few of them are dirt.”

– John Muir

With Love,

Kaitlyn

Boost

In case you need a boost today…

you live in a world that literally sparkles

Although life isn’t always easy, opening your eyes to the beauty all around you is.

You don’t need a prime vacation destination to see the beauties of the world.

A grateful heart and present mind will do.

❤️❤️

– Kaitlyn

Rattle

Crave

My breathe continues

My mind rattles

My soul chatters

It’s loud, our essence

Your being

Our dreaming

Behave

Raw desire meets organized attire

To meet the day

Refrain from play

Enslaved

Thoughts, erratic

Mind, static

Stuck in the desire for a love thematic

A life of purpose

Not guided by the surface

FREE, LIGHT, PURE

No way for humanity to obscure

To steal the essence and beautiful oddities of her

Concave

She clings to voids in her story

Unrealized glory

She sinks into ungrateful purgatory

She sinks into the unknowing

Lower and the rattle keeps growing

My mind rattles

My soul chatters

What is life and why do I matter?

Food, Shelter and Green Paper 

She felt trapped in a day that wasn’t her choice.

A day deprived of purpose but still remained the promise of food, shelter and green paper. 

The promise of these comforts envelop the courage to pursue what makes her radiate, what makes her want to wake in the morning.

Moments are filled with passionless movements and small ideals. She fights the feelings of nothingness and reminds herself food, shelter and green paper.

She lives in a world that is tilted but steady, with no fear of the unknown to follow her psyche. 

Each night, when the buzz of the world quiets, she drifts off to sleep with thoughts of tomorrow’s obligations tugging at her and remnants of her dreams idling quietly in the corner. 

Nights compound into months and her dreams become quieter.  

Food, shelter and green paper remain steady, tightening their reigns as her desire to dull the pain of unfulfilled dreams makes the card swipe for all of the purchases. The latest debt amplifying, dream killing trend. 

She finds a kind partner, falls deeply in love, and raises a family. Her family brings her joy, a feeling of fullness and more obligations. Her dreams are mute and her children give her a beautiful purpose to nurture. 

The world remains quenching for hope, love and health. The world remains rooting for the dreams to ignite and infiltrate the grey that most of us experience. 

Months turn to years. Years turn to decades. 

She is an aged expert at numbing her dreams with a comfortable retirement and an abundance of time. 

Her children are grown, on their own quest to face the fork in the road that often presents: stability or risk, expected or desired. 

Her partner loves her more than ever. Her partner fills his days with activities that compel him to wake. He loves her deeply but knows not one person can fulfill his deep, ever needing soul. 

She has time now. Her empty space awakens the quieted dreams. 

The duration of her years are spent unleashing these dreams to the extent she’s capable of doing. 

With the small slice of time she has left, she brightens the world, imprinting smiles, hope and camaraderie where she goes. 

She thoroughly enjoys every day living her truth. In her old age, she finally feels alive. 

She takes time to reflect. 

The smooth, constant river soothes her mind and body, allowing her the freedom to feel. 

She slowly sits into a comfortable position and stares into introspection, “My life has been fine.” 

“My final years will fulfill my awakening desires.”

As she sits alone, her eyes well up with tears and her heart sinks as she thinks, 

What if I listened sooner?”

She lets the sadness momentarily consume her, throb within her soul, as she stares into the flashing images of everything that could’ve been. 

The wave of regret runs its course. She breathes a deep and heavy sigh, remembers everything she has been lucky to experience: love, simply existing in such a beautiful world, her children’s growth. 

Her gratitude helps but does not save her from feeling trapped in the bitterness of suppressing her dreams… the bitterness of falling victim to the false security that we only need food, shelter, green paper. 

Fear gnawed at her life, paralyzed her from jumping into the unknown. 

Fear of failure is what makes self realization an exhilaratingly risky and fulfilling situation. 

Be in love and share your gifts. 

Life is but a paradox of good and bad, ups and downs. Do not stand on the side line and experience nothing. 

“The flower that blooms in adversity is the rarest and most beautiful of all.” – Walt Disney 

With love, 

Kaitlyn 💚